Saturday, December 6, 2008
I Never Made It To Venus
Blogging has been something of a journey of self discovery for me. I don't know how many people feel that way because everyone uses their blogs for different purposes. Through the act of making observations about things I see, I think about what I want to write and make observations about myself as well.
When I was a child we moved a lot, 167 times by the time I was 16 to be exact. I was always the new girl in school and an only child, as a result I was painfully shy. When you combine that with an unusually high IQ I inherited from my Father, I don't think I had the socialization that most kids get that develop lasting friendships. I did gain other skills that many people don't though. I have no fear of change, I can go places by myself, whether it's to lunch or across country, and I am very self reliant. I think it's also what predetermined my wanting to be a teddy bear artist. I loved my few stuffed animals, they represented something steadfast to hang on to. Maybe I just want to provide that feeling for others.
When I got a bit older we stopped moving and I made friendships in my teens and early 20's with other women. Some have lasted a lifetime and others haven't. But that is true of anyone.
Yesterday I was running errands and stopped for lunch. There were three women, clearly friends at the table next to me. I didn't want to intentionally eavesdrop...but they were easy to hear while I was munching my turkey sandwich. They were what is referred to as girl's girls. Most women fall into that category. They are typical women that feel at ease with other women, the way a man's man is at ease male bonding.
It was like a scene from a movie, they were eating, talking and laughing and being very sweet and supportive to one another. I felt a momentary pang of envy that they didn't have to eat alone. One of the women got a call on her phone and had to leave. The door hadn't even closed upon her exiting, and the other two started gossiping and tearing her to shreds with the voracity of piranha. For me the envy was over.
As I left I thought about my own friends. I realized I am not one of those types of girls, and neither are most of them. While I love and adore my female friends...most of the friends I have had in my life have been male. I have always wondered why this is. Yesterday I think I stumbled upon the answer. I tend to be very straight forward in my dealings with people. I say what I have to say to a persons face and stand behind it. Now I can't say I have never gossiped, but I don't drip honey to my friends faces and then attack like an angry swarm of killer bees when they are gone. If I am nice I mean it, and if I am less than kind, I mean that too. That's not to say I would ever hurt someone maliciously and intentionally. I have never engaged in games or manipulations to get what I want. That's probably why so many men have told me I am not like other women they know.
That's how men deal with things, so that's why they relate to me on a friend level. While I am a girlie girl, I am just not a girl's girl! If women are from Venus, and men are from Mars...I wonder where I came from?
Upon realizing this, I hit on another truth I have been trying to figure out for years. I have noticed that I get misunderstood a lot...A LOT on the internet due to my frankness. As mentioned in posts earlier this week, people think I (or anyone for that matter) am angry or hateful when I type certain things as opposed to the truth, which is that I am just making a calm observation. I don't do well in large groups of women online either. But yet people usually respond favorably to me in real life because they see and hear me, so they understand how I am saying things, and it makes a huge difference. People read more into it online.
I was observing another exchange this morning on the internet between women in a large group that I belong to. One of them made one of the remarks that comes off as nice at first glance but is really a catty remark meant to make another woman take notice that she has subtly been insulted. The woman the remark was aimed at may or may not have been me. I couldn't really be sure.I also don't care to be honest, I don't have time to peruse the handbook to find out.
There are days when I wish I could be like other women, but most days I am glad that I am not and neither are my women friends. It's far too complicated to learn the customs and the lingo and from what I hear...Venus is just too darn hot!