If you are a regular reader of my blog, then you know that I throw everything out there when it comes to topics. The good, the bad and the ugly. There are a couple things I rarely discuss however. One is sex. To me that's personal, and not fodder for public consumption.
The other is romance in general. Today though, I am going to wade out into those piranha infested waters. While I have been known to give all sorts of advice on deaing with members of the opposite sex to friends, I don't really feel comfortable giving it to the masses, because I don't want that responsibility.
However, this week I learned a huge secret. I simply have to share it with you. But let me back up a little.
Now ladies, we have all been here...you are out somewhere in public and a man suddenly appears. Oh but not just any man...an incredibly attractive man. When you spotted this paragon of male pulchritude, what did you do next? Did you try to talk to him? Did you simply admire him quietly from afar? Did you run away feeling intimidated? Chances are you have done one, two or even all three of these things at some point. If you weren't successful, read on...
Earlier this week I went shopping, and I ran into a man who works in a shop and who I have met before. We will call him J. J is incredibly good looking. Male model good looking. The kind of good looking that makes you forget your own name for a minute. And he used to be an archaeologist. Move over Indiana Jones!
He is also ten years younger than I am. At 48 I am getting older, and I am not a thin girl anymore. But J is always so nice to me. He always carries on a conversation with me longer than he probably should since he is working. This time he was telling me about his latest trip, and I was suggesting other places he should visit. He even gave me a discount that he didn't have to give me. I always assumed of course all this was because it was part of his job. However I had a chance to witness several other women interacting with him this time. These women were young, thin and pretty, so it makes sense he would react more favorably to them. But he didn't. In fact he was polite, but rather standoffish towards them. He barely spoke to them. I was puzzled. They didn't do or say anything wrong from what I could see, and they were clearly interested in him.
I thought about this for a while. I know a good number of really attractive men, and they all seem to respond well to me. So I started to wonder why...I am happily married so there is no potential for them to be anything more than eye candy...maybe that's the reason why? I am no threat.
I wanted an expert opinion though. I decided to go to a male friend I have had for a very long time. He is attractive and he has known me long enough to be honest. I asked him about this. I said why me?
The answer surprised me. He said "Oh that's easy." I asked him how so? He said it was because of two simple things...one was that it's easy to tell that I geuinely like men and I accept them just as they are. And two, he said when it comes to attractive men, I treat them like everyone else.
I was a little bit confused about his answers. I said of course like men and I treat them like everyone else. He said no you don't get all stupid and tongue tied. He said you treat them the same as you would any average Joe off the street instead of putting them on a pedestal like a Greek god. (I am paraphrasing because he used a little more colorful expression.) He went on to tell me that he can't stand it when women act all nervous and brain dead around him because of his looks. He said it was surpising how many women really resent and even hate men at the subconscious level. He also said that's why he and I became friends in the first place, because he didn't get that resentment vibe and I could carry on a conversation without being nervous or intimidated.
Who knew it was that simple? So there you have it, the next time you run into an Adonis in the wild...treat him like a mere mortal and he will respond favorably to you!
You may have noticed I deleted my previous post. I wanted to show you the new photos of the new pieces. We had to photograph them on a plain background for the show and I think they always look nicer with a little something extra.
Tonight I was reading something that said impatience is not the absence of patience, it's a separate entity. I am not sure I agree with that. I am not exactly a patient person. That's not to say I lose my patience, but I like action. When I am ready to do something, I am ready to do it now. Why wait?
The past few days I have been working like a mad woman! I had so much to get done for this upcoming show. It had to be done by 1 AM my time. I got done around 6 PM. It's killing me not to be able to show you the nine new pieces!
After I finished making, distressing, dressing, photographing and uploading the pics of the bears to the show page I cleaned up the disaster area that is known as my work space.
It looked like a bomb exploded in the middle of a tornado in here. There was ribbon, charms, sewing supplies and stuffing everywhere. Once I got it all put away, I didn't know what to do with myself.
I WAS BORED!
I never get bored. There is always something to be done. The thing is, I am not 25 anymore and working this hard for so many days in a row took it's toll on me, so I wasn't up to anything too strenuous. No one was online to chat with in the middle of the night. So what to do? I wasn't sleepy. I didn't feel like watching TV or reading.
I ended up making origami stars for two hours. I finally had to stop because my fingers hurt. I don't know if you have ever made origami stars, but the points poke your fingers while you crimp them. They are cute though aren't they?
Basically this is a pointless post because this is what Kelly looks like bored. I am showing you the stars because we aren't allowed to show the bears for the sale beforehand. The show doesn't start until Friday afternoon and I don't have anything else to do. Well...actually I do, I have orders but my back and neck aren't up to starting those yet. Thankfully I have an appointment with the new chiropractor Monday afternoon for an adjustment. I hope he is good. He has assured me he isn't a nervous sort of guy for which I am quite happy because I don't want to put my trust in another doctor and then have them tell me something like that.
Oh and before I forget, I want to follow up on my last post. As it turns out, I am not quite so alone as I thought. I got so many e-mails from people who have the same or similar types of brains as I do. I want to thank you all for those, and apologize for not being able to respond since I was working so fast and furious. There is some definite comfort in knowing you aren't alone. So the question is, have there always been so many of us, or have things changed somewhere along the line and people are just getting smarter and better at memory retention as a whole?
I guess I will go wander around my big empty house some more. Because sadly...I am still bored.
When I was a kid my Grandma used to buy tins of sardines. She would put them on Saltines and we would eat them. I never really liked them, but I loved the way the can opened. You would take off the waxy paper and there was a key attached to the top. You inserted a tab into the slot in the key and rolled the top back to expose the contents.
I always wanted the key, but my Grandma was afraid I would cut myself removing it. So it was very rare that I got to have one. I wish I had some of those keys now. If anyone out there has any, please let me know because I had an interesting idea for them. While I haven't had any sardines in decades, I am pretty sure they are probably pop top cans now. Everything is.
Last night when I laid down to go to sleep, I was thinking about those cans and about the events of the day. I had a fun day yesterday. I met up with Debra Hoffman of New Avenue Crew. She is a lovely bear artist who lives in town and we had been talking about getting together forever. So we finally met for lunch. I am sure we will be getting together a lot sooner next time!
After lunch I had an appointment an hour and a half later in the same area for my monthly massage. While I was killing time I went shopping and found a fabulous pair of shoes, (aren't they amazing!) and a few other little trinkets.
I chatted with another friend who works at one of my favorite shops. Then it was off to get my massage. I always request the same guy because he is so amazing. That boy has magic in his fingers, and he knows exactly what part of my neck is always sore. I would love to adopt him and keep him for my own selfish sore neck needs!
So as I lay reflecting on the days events and thinking about those cans and what I would do with the keys, I made one of those weird connections I often make. Wouldn't it be great if people had those keys attached to their hearts, and we could just roll back the lid and see what's inside! I am sure we would see all sorts of amazing things that people keep hidden. I don't think they hide them intentionally, but it's sort of become the norm for people to keep part of themselves locked away.
I fully understand it, we live in a world where people have developed trust issues as a self defense mechanism. Lets face it, there are bad people out there who try to cheat, scam and harm us. But I still completely believe there are more good people than bad.
Now I want to tell you a simple truth. It's ok to love people for exactly who they are, and even sometimes despite themselves. Seems like an easy concept doesn't it? But sometimes easy concepts are the hardest. Whether that love (the affection variety, not the romantic variety) lasts for five minutes or a lifetime, it's ok to feel it. We shouldn't let fear stand in our way of feeling it. We tend to shy away from certain things, and this is one of them. I think sometimes it's those things that we need to embrace instead of shying away from in order to be happy.
Yesterday I felt love for someone who I don't know that well yet, for their kindness and openness, for someone who is normally very strong for their vulnerability and hope, and for someone who I rarely talk about deep issues with for their honesty. Seeing these things in these people made me happy to know them...particularly the latter. I asked Mr. Masseur if I ever made him nervous. (I have still been chewing on that from last week a bit, because as I told you in a previous post it bothers me when people say that to me.) He was the perfect person to ask since we have a working relationship. He said absolutely not, that he loved it when I came in because I wasn't as dull as most people. *Grins* I felt so much better for hearing it.
So this week I urge you to insert the key and roll back the lid on your own heart, let people see your true nature, and look for theirs. Allow yourself to love them for just what they are, and allow yourself to feel it. You will be happier...I promise! (And find me some sardine tin keys!)
At long last I can show you one of the new pieces. She is my preview piece for the Teddy Bear Tea Party show coming up March 23-25. You can go have a look at all the bears dressed in their finery by clicking that link. I have more fun things in store, but you will just have to wait until the show to see them!
I am in much better spirits than I was when I made my last post. I heard from the rescue people, and Ridley is doing well. They fully understand why I felt he needed to be the only pet and are actively looking for just the right home for him. I have noticed that my stress level has decreased too. I love my pets, they are my furry little babies and I take good care of them, but I cannot allow one of them to rule nearly every waking moment. So it was the right choice, and I am content that all will be well.
I have never thought of myself as being very patient or being able to stick to anything for very long. I have the type of brain that needs lots of stimulation, and so I can have a very short attention span sometimes. That doesn't mean I won't remember things, because believe me I remember everything whether I want to or not. I also like decisiveness and action when something requires it. I am not the type to deliberate for a long time or vacillate on something. When those rare occasions arise I usually do (or buy) both options and move on.
As I told you in my last post though, we cannot always see ourselves from the outside. I think sometimes we fall into a line of thinking that we are a certain way only because we used to be that way and we are comfortable viewing ourselves as such.
When I was a kid we moved a great deal. Much MUCH more than most people ever move in a lifetime. By the time I was 16, we had moved 167 times, I have moved at least 20 more times since then. This teaches you to be fluid throughout your life, and to never be afraid of change. It also shapes you into the sort of person who won't stick to things. I had so many jobs early on...everything from Boeing Aerospace to singing telegrams. I dated countless men...before I got to R. Literally a couple hundred. (Dated does not mean slept with now! I was not that kind of girl!)
The interesting thing is I realized this morning I do stick to things. After all I have been making bears for over 30 years, even if it was while doing all those other crazy jobs, and I am coming up on 23 wonderful years of marriage. If that isn't sticking to something I don't know what is!
I also have this ability to take people back into my life whether we have simply parted or we parted on less than favorable terms. In fact I can only think of three people who have ever wronged me so badly they would not be allowed back. Life is too short to hold a grudge and people are too important.
Just a couple weeks ago, a woman I was friends with about 26 years ago found me on Facebook and we more or less picked right up where left off. The only reason we didn't stay friends at the time is because I moved away. I am very happy she found me again. I am not that good at finding people on there since I am still sort of Facebook impaired. Plus, while I do take people back easily I rarely seek them out since I don't want to annoy anyone or make them feel uncomfortable.
Bears on the other hand are a different matter. If you have been wondering about the bear shown above...he was made by the wonderful and talented Lori Ann Corelis who I have known from all the way back to the bear show years. There is a rather funny story behind the bear. I have a couple of Lori's bunnies, a mouse and a cat. But I never had one of her bears...I don't know why. About 3-4 years ago she made a lovely green bear for Christmas. I missed the update and the bear was sold before I saw it. I have this odd love for green bears, I am not sure why. I kept mooning over the bear and finally about six months later I got up the courage and asked her if she would make me a green bear. It does take courage for me to ask for a custom piece because I don't like making really specific customs, and I know many other artists don't either. So when I do ask for a custom I try to keep it pretty open ended and just request one thing, like a color because that keeps the artistic freedom in play for the creator.
I didn't mention it again, and the bear never appeared. I understand this too, because sometimes we get busy or sidetracked or inspired to make other pieces and things can fall by the wayside until we forget to do them. Even with my memory I have occasionally forgotten things I was supposed to make for people and they have to prod me about it. So I wasn't upset or anything, but I just kept patiently waiting. Finally last November I mentioned it. I really felt kind of bad about asking even then. Being the lovely person she is, Lori apologized for forgetting about it, and made my bear! Isn't he just grand! He is nothing like the original bear I saw, but I truly love him...more so than the one I saw in the first place! He arrived yesterday and was absolutely worth the wait and he came at just the right time when I needed something new to make me smile.
But like I always tell you, things arrive in their own time whether it's self perceptions or bears or something else entirely. Things are always delivered to us just exactly when they are supposed to be! The universe is a clever place and knows what we need, when we need it, and teaches us that sometimes we can stick to things and that we are infinitely more patient than we think we are.
Many years ago before I met R I had a boyfriend who wasn't really very good for me. I liked him a lot, but I knew it wasn't the best situation and I broke up with him. To protect both of us I did it in a rather callous way and he accused me of having a heart of stone. It hurt terribly when he said that because on some level I suspected he was right. I never let him know how much it hurt though.
Last Saturday I fractured my nose. You know I am clumsy! It was such a bizarre accident and I couldn't do it again if I tried. When I did it, it hurt but I laughed. I laughed a lot. In fact R didn't take it too seriously when I said I think I broke my nose because I was laughing so hard. I knew it was broken though, I have done it twice before. Then it started to bleed and he knew I was actually hurt. From the outside I can appear pretty tough, and sometimes indifferent to things.
Today I wasn't so tough though. In fact I turned into a giant sobbing puddle on the couch. (Thank goodness a kind hearted friend knew and called me to cheer me up...and she did!) First of all I had to take Ridley back to the dog rescue. We had him a little over a year and a half and I know it was the right thing to do. He has terrible separation anxiety. I thought I had worked him through it but lately he had reverted back to his old ways of trashing the house when I go away. He is also jealous of the other animals, and while he wasn't aggressive with them he would simply nose his way in between them and I. Entirely too much of my day was spent on him. I knew he needed a home where he could be the only pet and have all the attention lavished on him. So I had to put my own feelings aside and did what was best for the greater good of everyone concerned. I chose to do it while R was away because I felt it would be easier on him as well. He knew I was going to do it. The thing is I loved Ridley. He was a sweet dog, and as I drove away the look on his face haunted me all the way home. I had put on my stone face and hugged him, told him I was very sorry and then just left him...cutting him entirely out of my life for good.
When I got home, I returned a phone call that I was supposed to return last week. I had recently told this person that when someone lashes out you when you don't deserve it, you have to just remember that they are afraid. The irony is, today I did that very thing to that very person. They said the thing that cuts me to the core...they said I made them nervous. I have been told this before and it's like a knife through the heart every time someone says that to me. I don't think I am so intimidating, but what do I know...I can't see myself from the outside looking in. Maybe I am truly terrifying to people and I am just deluding myself into thinking I am a nice, open and compassionate person. When I pressed them as to why, the answer really shocked me. They said it was because of my PKD. Make that a double knife right through the heart. Yes I have this disease, and yes I know it will probably kill me someday...but no one has ever treated me like a sick person before. It's not like it's contagious and it doesn't affect my day to day life that much yet. Especially someone in that position, they are a doctor. I thought about it, and I cannot stand the thought of making someone nervous, or putting too much pressure on them to do something they aren't comfortable with...so I called them back, put on my stone face and harshly told them I never wanted to go there again and that I would find someone else. I don't know if it mattered to them or not because I didn't give them a chance to respond. I simply said "see ya" and hung up the phone. In truth they probably had nothing more than momentary passing confusion followed by a sense of relief. But the thing is, I liked and trusted this person, and I hated the idea that I might have hurt them even though I probably didn't. I felt it was for the greater good, but who knows maybe that's just a lie I tell myself to justify my actions. All I know is I cannot be in the position to make someone nervous. I just won't do it. I don't know why I do that to some people, and it makes me afraid that is how I really am so I end up lashing out unfairly every time someone says that to me and cutting them out of my life.
I had one last small incident where once again I had to be very stoic today. I don't even want to go into it. I do these things with the intent of putting my personal feelings aside and doing the thing that is in the best interest of everyone. To do that, I know that I have to come off as having a heart of stone, and being able to cut someone or something off completely without a care.
The funny thing about stone is...even though it's hard, it can break...usually when no one is looking.
Before I launch into my post, did you read this morning that they think they have finally found and confirmed the existence of dark matter? How exciting! Of course I am not surprised because I know that the universe is a perfect balance...yin and yang to the extreme. Now if they just prove that pesky Higgs Boson particle! (I don't really believe that one exists...but who knows I could be proven wrong!) Now on to the post...
One of the very best things about being a toymaker is that you get to be just as eccentric as you like. Hey it worked for Herr Drosselmeyer and Gepetto! I would probably be eccentric anyway, but at least now I have an excuse. Thankfully R never says anything and just tries not to look directly at it. If he is ever embarrassed in public, he never mentions it. In fact he never says anything negative to me ever. I love that! Conversely he is absolutely not eccentric in the least. In fact he is the most normal, well adjusted human being you will ever meet..which is odd in itself. My friend Carol says he probably thrives on my crazy because it's so foreign to him. I think after all these years he is just used to it. *grins cheekily*
The thing is, when you're a bit different than the rest of the world, people try to define what they cannot understand. I get all sorts of comparisons. This morning someone compared me to a Tim Burton character. While I do find a fascination with steampunk...overall I don't think I am quite that dark. Naturally I jumped on board anyway and ordered some black and white striped tights and a red crinoline. I am accommodating, what can I say! Plus I figure they will go well with my top hat.
The very best comparison I ever got was a friend said I was a combination of Stephen Hawking and a Disney Princess with a little Indiana Jones thrown in! How perfectly delightful is that!
I used to try to be "normal" and fit in with the rest of humanity, but it simply didn't work. I think it's important to embrace who you are.
So my questions for you this morning is...who are you really? If someone were to compare your eccentricities what would they say? Do you embrace who you are or try to suppress it? If you are trying to suppress it, the best piece of advice I can give you is just stop it!!! Be who you are...crazy and all. The world will either say viva la difference, or look the other way. But who cares...that's what we do with them right?
I am off to make more bears...the show is coming! Have a lovely weekend!
Current copyright laws allow for all work to be automatically protected when it is created. All original artwork, photos, text, logo, descriptions, and derivative works from Blondheart are not to be copied, imitated or distributed in any way. All rights reserved solely by the artist, Kelly Dauterman.