A few posts back I told you that once again it was recommended to me to try meditation. I finally went out and bought a couple CD's and decided to give it a try. I have semi-chronic shoulder, back and neck pain from years of working on bears, heavy hair and a large chest. So I was looking for stress/pain relieving meditation type CD's.
I finally gave that a try today. Throughout the course of the guided part, the guy says to let whatever emotion you have rise to the surface. Out of all the emotions that might have risen, the one that did surprised me a little.
I had a feeling of inadequacy and fear. I am a pretty confident person overall. But when I really look at that it's not that big of a surprise. Society tells us we have to be perfect as women. We have to be able to hold down jobs, maintain our homes, take care of families and look flawless while doing it. That's a pretty tall order, and it's not surprising that somewhere deep inside themselves most women feel inadequate in some way.
Artists always have fear and feel inadequate. It's who we are. Even the most self confident of artists have days where they feel that way. It's our greatest nemesis. We have all sorts of fears...failure, not being as good as the next artist, not being able to do something again, not being able to do something at all, being accused of copying another artist's work even when we don't, fear of never selling anything else, even fear of success, etc. The list goes on.
But as I was laying there doing my deep breathing I thought about this feeling of inadequacy. Suddenly I had a new perspective on it. Who am I to feel that way about myself? It's kind of insulting to my maker, He doesn't do shoddy work.
We don't need to fit a mold. We don't have to try to be as good as the next person because we can't be, nor can they be as good as us. We can only be what we are, a unique creation. A thread that fits perfectly into the tapestry of life.
So I think it's time to get busy on that pattern I created this week. If it doesn't turn out the first time...so what. What am I afraid of really? What's the worst that can happen? If it doesn't turn out the first time I will simply redesign it until it does turn out the way I want it to. Not much lost but a little time and mohair spent learning to make something new. That's worth it!
Oddly enough through this mental discourse I had with myself my shoulder pain was slightly alleviated. Hmmm...maybe there is something to this meditation thing after all!