One afternoon when R and I had only been married a short time he came home to find me with a finished bear and a couple tears running down my cheeks. I had been working very hard getting ready for a show. He asked what was wrong and I told him I had made a bear that I really liked and I wanted to keep it.
He was puzzled as to why I was crying over this. What he didn't understand was that I was feeling extremely conflicted about that. I explained to him that my Mom always told me to sell them. In fact she convinced me so well that I felt guilt if I wanted to keep one. He hugged me and told me that I made it and I could do what I wanted to with it, and if I wanted to keep it that was perfectly ok. I did keep it.
I never really got over feeling that way though. Usually when I want to keep one I end up feeling too guilty about it and sell it. As a result I have very, very few of my own bears. (I have lots from other artists!)
When I made that very first bear all those years ago I made it with the intention of keeping it. I made the second one as a present for a friend, and I really had nothing in particular in mind when I made the third one other than that I wanted to try to make my own pattern from scratch. It was the third one that sold and through a series of events that started me in the bear business. In all the years that have followed I have never sat down to make another bear that was just meant for me.
I have been working very hard lately getting new pieces done...some of which you have seen and others that are being held back for the upcoming online holiday show. I have been alternating so you get to see one and then I hold one, etc. In there I made the new bear pattern that you saw with Bastian and another one you haven't seen yet. I really love that pattern. I wish you could hold things through the computer so you know how truly delightful they feel in your hand.
Anyway...last night I took some time out from making bears for my collectors, and sat down with the intention of making a bear just for myself. He is only halfway through the distressing process and he isn't detailed yet...but I snapped a quick pic. It remains to be seen if I can bring myself to keep him or not. Either way I like him, he has a really sweet face!
I will show him to you later when he is finished. In the mean time I am going to go fall into bed!
Have a lovely day, K. <3