Today I want to make a post dedicated to one of my blogging friends who is having some troubles. I was going to tell my story in a comment on her blog, but then I thought perhaps it's something others might find useful to think about too.
I think each of us has at some point looked at another person and wished for their life. But I wonder...would we really want it? Some years ago I had a friend who had "the perfect life."
She had that storybook childhood with wonderful parents, a great brother, a sweet dog and yes even a picket fence. As an adult she had the perfect job she wanted, a husband that took care of her every need, and she always got what she wanted with barely a finger lifted.
Everything always seemed to go her way. I must confess I was a bit envious...who wouldn't be right?
My friend and I decided to take a road trip to California for a bear show. When you spend hours in a car with someone, you get to know them in a way that you never knew them before even if you thought you knew them well. You have so much time to talk.
I discovered something interesting about my friend. She had more psychological issues than anyone else I knew. I thought about that for a long time after. I still think about it. The road trip didn't change our friendship, but it did change how I viewed her and her life.
I wasn't envious of her anymore. I realized that by having such a perfect life she hadn't developed many of the skills most of us need to get through day to day living. She had never had to overcome adversity, she had never had to deal with a crisis and she didn't really understand the joy of working for something and really earning it without it being handed to you.
People often say life isn't fair. I believe it is. I think at some point or another we all have these trials and tests we have to go through. We have tough times and things in our past we wish were better or different. But life is made of balance because we all have these things happen to us in one way or another. Those things really do make us stronger people. They define our character and teach us what we are really made of in how we deal with them. If we don't deal with them in the best way then we learn from our mistakes. And that's ok...it makes us gloriously human and flawed and interesting. It also makes us appreciate other things that are good whether we make that connection at the time or not.
As for my friend with the perfect life...someday her tests will come as well, and Heaven help her when she has to deal with them. I hope she will know how.
To my blogging friend with the troubles...perhaps your family wasn't perfect. But neither were theirs, just remember they had troubles too. They may not have been what you would have liked, but they were what you needed in order to get through something as an adult. You learned something you needed from that experience. It was all part of your fate. Be happy that you didn't have the perfect life or family. Your life is probably better than you think! This rough patch will pass...I promise!