This week has been hard. Pretty much on every front. At the beginning of the week I thought I was going to do so much better. I was wrong.
I started this whole hardcore diet process on the heels of being sick for 10 days, then of course people in my family started having issues with their hearts, and that is truly stressful. (My brother is doing ok for the moment and my step Dad is going in for a bypass on the 8th.) I honestly think this diet has to be difficult when times are good, let alone when they are trying. Tuesday I blew it...just a little but I did.
So I have to admit that a few minutes ago I was feeling pretty defeated. I don't know if I have lost anything this week because my scale went all wonky on me. I replaced the batteries, but I am still not convinced it's right. I bought a new scale that is weighing me consistently eight pounds heavier than the other one. Which is right? I have no idea.
The extreme exhaustion returned today despite the B 12 vitamins, and I got muscle cramps. I am already sick of eating the same things. R said there is no way he could survive on what little I am eating. Of course he said this while stuffing his skinny self with two hotdogs! It's so unfair that some people can eat anything and be thin and some of us can eat nothing and still be fat. Now when I say extreme exhaustion...I mean it takes an effort to lift the remote and fast forward on shows I have recorded. I normally have limitless energy so this is kind of new for me and I don't know what to do with it.
Anyway...as I said I was feeling pretty defeated a few minutes ago. But I have also told you many times in the past that the universe delivers up just the answer to something that we need right when we need it...and often in ways we never imagined it would.
I had finally shut the TV off and I was looking very quickly through a book for something else entirely before I hauled myself upstairs to bed. I came across this thing that was basically talking about trusting in something. It said when you think you have run out of everything you can give, to take that tiny ounce of strength, courage and trust and use it as a key to open the door to allow more in.
Now this had absolutely nothing to do with what I am doing, they were talking about something else entirely. But isn't it funny how sometimes simple words and ideas can really hit home for what's going on your life?
While I am still feeling fatigue, I feel just that tiniest bit stronger and I have a renewed sense that I can do this. All I have to do is find that small measure of strength to keep going, and it will open the door to more strength, more trust in this process, and more faith that I can achieve what I want to achieve.
I hope that if any of you are in a place now or in the future that you will remember this simple idea. All you need is a little bit of strength, trust, courage or even love to use as a key to opening the door to more of what you need.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Hugs, K. <3