Friday, July 24, 2009
The Birthday Curse
So here it is, my birthday. I have notoriously bad birthdays. I am not sure why, but they are always bad.
When R announced yesterday he was going to have to work late today, I thought this one was shaping up true to form. He later said he would "try" to not have to be late. But I know how it goes. I have no plans and nothing to do really. I received one card from my mother, with a check inside which was very nice of her, and that's it so far. I know I am not getting a present from R, which is fine because I got it months ago and am typing on it. So there won't be any pretty paper with bows to rip open.
With the onset of midnight I sat here moping a bit. I am not really thrilled about this birthday anyway, it makes me feel old. Maybe it's because at 46 I have crossed to the downhill side towards 50. I am not sure. I don't feel 46...but then what is it supposed to feel like?
Starting at a young age and going on for many...many...probably too many years, I waited every July 24th for something magical and unexpected to happen that would make me feel really special. I am not sure where I got the idea something magical and unexpected should happen. I just always thought it should, after all your birthday is special right? I have always tried to make sure everyone in my world had a special and magical birthday even though they don't really seem to care about it. I did have a birthday party when I was 10 and a few lunches with friends since then. Of course R usually takes me out to dinner. Although this year we agreed not to because my stomach has been upset with this thing I am fighting.
After many years of that day passing calmly and unassumingly - or disastrously on some years, into the mists of history I realized it wasn't going to happen. So as I was sitting here moping, I got to thinking...perhaps I just have to make my own magic! I started with a wish. Now I don't have a pocket full of fairy dust, but I do have a case full of glitter so I dipped in a finger or two, blew it off and made a wish. In case you're curious what the picture is above, that was it. (I can't tell you what it was, sorry. We want it to come true after all, right?)
I am not sure what today will bring, but I am confident that if I keep the wish in my heart all day and believe it will happen...just maybe it might. Maybe this will be the year that will finally break the birthday curse!