Have you ever noticed that whatever mood you're in, if you're in close proximity to other people, someone will try to change it. If you're in a good mood someone will tell you about depressing headlines in the media, their own personal issues, or they will simply grumble and complain.
Even more frequently if you're angry, sad or upset in any way...someone will come along and try to cheer you up. It's almost as if being angry, annoyed, sad or hurt is wrong. In fact this notion is so deeply ingrained in us that if we experience one of these emotions when we are alone, we tend to feel guilt for feeling it. We try to squelch those emotions and adjust to a better mood.
But the trouble is we are delightfully three dimensional beings and we come equipped right from the factory with a full range of emotions. I believe that it's ok to feel all of them once in a while. I think we should, it's healthy to feel the bad stuff sometimes...that way we don't bottle it up and go postal at a later date.
Yesterday I was angry...and a little annoyed and hurt. My guilt kicked right in and that inner voice reminded me that life isn't fair. Most of us hear that from a very early age. But a second inner voice said why? Why isn't life fair? Most of us are never taught that. Maybe it's because no one really knows that answer. If it was up to me, life would be fair for everyone. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?
So naturally I felt guilt and tried to talk myself out of it. I said what's done is done, you can't change it. Being angry won't help. Cheer up...blah blah blah...lots of other cliches. I even went so far as to convince myself that yes maybe life really is fair and we just can't perceive the big picture?
At the end of all this guilt and inner dialogue I was still angry...a little annoyed and hurt...and confused though. So what brought all this on you ask? Well if you will recall a few posts ago I told you that I made a mistake. I was honest about, I took responsibility for that mistake and I was penalized for it. I still accept responsibility and the penalization. However I discovered that others made that very same mistake and weren't penalized for it in any way that I could see.
So yes, I was angry. I don't understand. I was specifically told "If we let you do it, we have to let everyone do it and we can't do that. We have a standard to maintain." And yet from the photos I have seen...many others were allowed to do it. So why wasn't I? *Sighs*
I considered not making this post. I know that people don't like to read negative stuff. I hope I didn't ruin anyone's good mood. I didn't mean to. It's part of the reason I almost didn't make this post. But I am human, and I get angry sometimes...fortunately it doesn't happen too often. I don't make one of those blogs that is only about the good stuff in life. Sometimes I talk about the other things too. You've been angry before...I know you have. I am sure you can relate to how I felt. Wouldn't it have felt good to get it out of your system? So I made this post to stay true to the fact that I am a real person...and that's what I post. Reality...the good...the bad...and the brightly colored sneakers.
I was originally just going to post about my new sneakers. Aren't they grand? You have to love the color. I have a whole issue with "athletic shoes." I think they are unattractive and I prefer low tech, retro style canvas sneakers like Keds, Sperry and Converse All Stars. They make me happy and no one can take that away. How can you not be happy when you have such a lovely color on your feet?