Memory

The other day I was talking to my Mother and I told her about something I remembered from when I was a kid.  She was really surprised I could remember it.  I told her not only do I remember it, but I remember what the chair looked like, what I was wearing, what the temperature was, and exactly how I felt at the time.

A couple weeks ago I was telling another bear artist about the first time we met.  He didn't remember it, but I told him a few details.  What I didn't tell him was that I remembered a whole lot more details than just what I told him.  And...that I remember every detail of every time I have ever seen him, and nearly everyone else I have ever met.  I did however give a disclaimer that I am not a stalker. *giggles*  I actually have to do that a lot.

Last night it finally rained.  We have had a drought, and I was thrilled we had a storm.  When I went to bed I was thinking about the first time my Mother pointed out lightning.  I didn't know what lightning was though and I confused it for something on the landscape that I had never seen before.  I was very, very young.  I remember we were walking and she wanted to hurry.  I remember exactly where we were and what it looked like, what we wearing and where we had come from.

I even remember the day I began to be able to remember.  I was roughly 2 1/2 years old, I was in my Grandma's kitchen.  I asked for a green sucker.  I can tell you what the linoleum looked like.  I remember the room layout, the furniture, the colors of the braided chair pads, what I was wearing, what she was wearing and that she was drying dishes.  She sat the dish towel down, which was red and white striped cotton, and reached on top of the fridge to get a sucker out of a can.  We were out of green, and I ended up with an orange one.  Everything before that moment is a bit fuzzy, although every once in a while something will seep through with a little more clarity.

I don't know if you watched 60 Minutes last night, but apparently it was a repeat.  It was the first time I had seen it however, and I have to say I was rather excited about it.  They did a piece on "Superior Autobiographical Memory."  Now I don't have that, but I am close. 

I can't remember numbers very well.  That goes back to something that happened in 2nd grade with a dreadful teacher I had named Mrs. Jones.  I remember the entire day leading up to it, and after...but I cannot remember what happened exactly.  I think I have blocked it out.  I know it had something to do with numbers and I know I was crying hysterically.  But that's it.  I do however remember her making me miss lunch every day to re-write my homework because my hand writing was so bad.  I always wondered why she did that, because it was never any better the second time I wrote it.  I also remember riding home on the bus every afternoon just starving for having missed lunch.  She always took my lunch away and never gave it back.  Of course now she wouldn't be able to get away with that, but in the 60's teachers could do more to their students in the name of higher learning.

As a result, I can't recall dates since they are numbers.  But my memory is horrifyingly good.  Another interesting thing in last night's episode was when they were showing Marilu Henner's closet.  While I don't have a closet like hers, mine is colorized and has been since I was 22.  All of my shoes are in labeled boxes and grouped together by style, and also colorized.  The rest of my house isn't nearly as nicely organized, but I can tell you where nearly every single thing I own is.  Believe me, what with 30 years of bear supplies piled on top of the rest of the stuff I have accumulated...that's saying quite a lot.  I also tend to be a bit of a germaphobe like the guy sitting in the group to the bottom left.  The other thing I have in common with them is that my temporal lobe is larger than normal.  I remember a doctor mentioning that during a CAT scan.

The thing I took away from the show was that all of a sudden, I didn't feel quite like such a freak.  People who know me well are always astounded by my memory retention, and sometimes doubt that it's really as good as I say it is.  But it is that good, and I have come to realize that having a memory like mine is rare, in fact I have never met anyone else with the memory retention I have.  Like the people on the show, I have to agree that it can be a blessing and a curse.  I usually tell people that it's sporadic eidetic memory, but that's not quite accurate because it's more than sporadic.  I seem to have something that falls in between several categories.  Being different can make you feel very alone sometimes.  It's nice to know I am not alone.

Land Of The Free

Some years ago I had a friend from England, and we were having a conversation one afternoon. My friend had traveled the world extensively and she said when she first came to the US she was utterly shocked by how many laws and rules our country has. She told me she had never been to a country that had so many.

Over the years I have had occasion to remember that conversation because it's true. Tonight while watching 60 Minutes I thought about that again. There was a segment on pirated movies. Now I had no idea this was such a large scale issue, and I really can't imagine why anyone would want to watch a pirated movie. The quality would have to be poor and movie rentals are so inexpensive that I don't see the point. It's hard to imagine this is such a big business for criminals, but I guess it must be.

In fact they went on to say that big drug cartels are doing this as a side line and put their logo stickers on the DVD cases. I am not sure what was said in the few minutes after that because I couldn't get my brain to process the fact that drug cartels actually have their own logos. It's still hard to imagine that.

At any rate, during the segment it showed people going to a theater and being wanded and having their purses and personal effects searched for cameras on the way in. They even went so far as to take their phones until they were ready to leave. I have to say I found that more disturbing than the fact that people were actually filming movies in theaters. Now that doesn't mean I am in ANY WAY condoning illegally obtaining movies, because as an artist I would never condone theft of artistic property...or any property for that matter. But I was taught not to steal as a kid.

I did a show in Hawaii about ten years ago, and they searched my purse when I went through the airport security. I certainly have nothing to hide in my purse, but I remember the guard feeling and actually looking inside the wrappers of my feminine products. Aside from the creepy, unsanitary nature of that, did the guy really think I had a bomb in there? It would have had to have been an incredibly flat bomb.

As you know if you fly these days you are automatically treated as an inconvenience and shown no respect of any kind. I know these things are done as a safety precaution, but I still can't help feeling invaded by it. There are so many places where you have to go through a metal detector or get wanded before you enter.

How many times have we all gone through the detectors in a department store and had one go off because a security tag wasn't removed or deactivated properly on an item we legitimately purchased? It's just embarrassing, and it's not our fault.

They say that the piracy of movies is causing the sales of theater tickets to go down. Maybe...although I don't know anyone who would watch one of those. I guess the number of people doing this is so vast that it means it's ok to institute yet another rule in this country that automatically treats us all as criminals even when we aren't. (Which I find ironic since the police won't even come if you call about an intruder unless they actually enter your house. It seems as if we went terribly wrong in our justice system somewhere doesn't it?) So much for innocent until proven guilty. But I can assure you if you are to be treated like a criminal as the norm when you go in, there will one less theater ticket sold for every movie I might have wanted to see. I will wait for DVD rental...which in my opinion is probably a much larger reason why theater ticket sales have gone down than stolen movies with poor resolution.