Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Perfect Life

Today I want to make a post dedicated to one of my blogging friends who is having some troubles. I was going to tell my story in a comment on her blog, but then I thought perhaps it's something others might find useful to think about too.

I think each of us has at some point looked at another person and wished for their life. But I wonder...would we really want it? Some years ago I had a friend who had "the perfect life."

She had that storybook childhood with wonderful parents, a great brother, a sweet dog and yes even a picket fence. As an adult she had the perfect job she wanted, a husband that took care of her every need, and she always got what she wanted with barely a finger lifted.

Everything always seemed to go her way. I must confess I was a bit envious...who wouldn't be right?

My friend and I decided to take a road trip to California for a bear show. When you spend hours in a car with someone, you get to know them in a way that you never knew them before even if you thought you knew them well. You have so much time to talk.

I discovered something interesting about my friend. She had more psychological issues than anyone else I knew. I thought about that for a long time after. I still think about it. The road trip didn't change our friendship, but it did change how I viewed her and her life.

I wasn't envious of her anymore. I realized that by having such a perfect life she hadn't developed many of the skills most of us need to get through day to day living. She had never had to overcome adversity, she had never had to deal with a crisis and she didn't really understand the joy of working for something and really earning it without it being handed to you.

People often say life isn't fair. I believe it is. I think at some point or another we all have these trials and tests we have to go through. We have tough times and things in our past we wish were better or different. But life is made of balance because we all have these things happen to us in one way or another. Those things really do make us stronger people. They define our character and teach us what we are really made of in how we deal with them. If we don't deal with them in the best way then we learn from our mistakes. And that's ok...it makes us gloriously human and flawed and interesting. It also makes us appreciate other things that are good whether we make that connection at the time or not.

As for my friend with the perfect life...someday her tests will come as well, and Heaven help her when she has to deal with them. I hope she will know how.

To my blogging friend with the troubles...perhaps your family wasn't perfect. But neither were theirs, just remember they had troubles too. They may not have been what you would have liked, but they were what you needed in order to get through something as an adult. You learned something you needed from that experience. It was all part of your fate. Be happy that you didn't have the perfect life or family. Your life is probably better than you think! This rough patch will pass...I promise!

Hugs, Kelly


Anonymous said...

Thank you kelly, down deep somewhere I do know things will get to the point where it won't be so hard to breathe anymore. You are very right, I have learned things from my family that have made me who I am today and for that I am blessed. I do hope things will fall into place and life will get back to a normal that I and my family can live with. I guess it isn't the perfect family I'm looking for but one where all of us can just find peace....Thank you, you have lifted my heart a bit today...Hugs, Jennifer

GerryART said...

Kelly, thanks for saying what needs to be said to remind us that greener grass isn't always what it appears.
The more I hear of others troubles the more I realize mine are trivial in comparison.
Take Life One Step At A Time Looking Forward To The Good Time To Come.
The Good Time will come, though perhaps not quiet the way we envisioned it days ago.
Love and Hugs to All ♥♥♥

Michele Seraphim said...

Jennifer: take heart also in that you have your FRIEND Kelly who is obviously walking beside you! A friend is such a blessing. No one has a "perfect life" so if you can learn to enjoy the ride it makes things a bit easier. I try to look for one thing every day no matter how small that was the diamond in the rust. It really helps to focus on just that thing right before bed. It eases the mind and spirit even if tomorrow will bring huge challenges again... for that one moment I can find the diamond to enjoy! Big Bear Hugs... hang in there girls. It's so wonderful that you have each other!

Heather said...

Few and far between are the people who are both truly happy and well balanced.

I'll take my screwy life any day over a seemingly perfect one :)

Temiru said...

It is said that to us give only those tests which we can pass, sustain... But sometimes it seems that these tests very difficult and are not present forces to pass these tests. Then you start to look at people at which problems much more, than at us and you find forces to pass the problems. Sometimes you think that other people do not have problems, but at them is simple absolutely other problems. Also speak: to understand that such it is possible to fly only if at first you bear on a back a heavy burden (backpack), and then it you remove. Without having tested weight - you do not learn and how to fly :) But it would be better than problems nevertheless was less :)
Hugs, Irina

Southern Bears said...

Kelly, your post has put on paper what I have always believed. I taught my daughters that life is made up of a few very, very good highs, a few very, very bad lows and most of the time it's pretty even and mostly monotonous. But it's what you make of all these highs and lows and even keels. Thank you for all your wonderfully inspirational posts. I seldom comment but I wait for them in grand anticipation.

Pat xx

customteddys said...

I was wondering the other day what I would ask for if I could have anything I want.... the answer was, "Dear God, please let me want what I have." That simple request restores to me a deep sense of peace and contentment, that no event or circumstance could grant. Thanks for the post that reminds me that I am exactly who I am supposed to be and I have exactly what I am supposed to have. Vicki

Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly! I stopped by to tell you to come visit my blog...I read all the comments that your blog friends wrote about this post and omgosh are your bloggers wonderful...Thank you for writing this post and thank all the ladies for their wonderful, helpful comments...Hugs, Jennifer

julietk said...

Often it is hard to see and count your blessings until you find someone who is suffering more than yourself. Even I have been a little self pitying lately but I am over the worst now. I hope all is well with you and yours.

Anonymous said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

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