Our Greatest Nemesis

A few posts back I told you that once again it was recommended to me to try meditation. I finally went out and bought a couple CD's and decided to give it a try. I have semi-chronic shoulder, back and neck pain from years of working on bears, heavy hair and a large chest. So I was looking for stress/pain relieving meditation type CD's.

I finally gave that a try today. Throughout the course of the guided part, the guy says to let whatever emotion you have rise to the surface. Out of all the emotions that might have risen, the one that did surprised me a little.

I had a feeling of inadequacy and fear. I am a pretty confident person overall. But when I really look at that it's not that big of a surprise. Society tells us we have to be perfect as women. We have to be able to hold down jobs, maintain our homes, take care of families and look flawless while doing it. That's a pretty tall order, and it's not surprising that somewhere deep inside themselves most women feel inadequate in some way.

Artists always have fear and feel inadequate. It's who we are. Even the most self confident of artists have days where they feel that way. It's our greatest nemesis. We have all sorts of fears...failure, not being as good as the next artist, not being able to do something again, not being able to do something at all, being accused of copying another artist's work even when we don't, fear of never selling anything else, even fear of success, etc. The list goes on.

But as I was laying there doing my deep breathing I thought about this feeling of inadequacy. Suddenly I had a new perspective on it. Who am I to feel that way about myself? It's kind of insulting to my maker, He doesn't do shoddy work.

We don't need to fit a mold. We don't have to try to be as good as the next person because we can't be, nor can they be as good as us. We can only be what we are, a unique creation. A thread that fits perfectly into the tapestry of life.

So I think it's time to get busy on that pattern I created this week. If it doesn't turn out the first time...so what. What am I afraid of really? What's the worst that can happen? If it doesn't turn out the first time I will simply redesign it until it does turn out the way I want it to. Not much lost but a little time and mohair spent learning to make something new. That's worth it!

Oddly enough through this mental discourse I had with myself my shoulder pain was slightly alleviated. Hmmm...maybe there is something to this meditation thing after all!

Guilty Pleasures

I am pretty low maintenance really. I don't go to the salon. R trims the back of my hair and I do my bangs, and my hair is it's natural color. I don't get manicures because my nails will grow quite long on their own, but I usually cut them down so I don't break them while working. I rarely get facials because I know how to do my own. For being pretty girlie, I don't do a lot of typical girlie things. But that's not to say I don't enjoy a little pampering once in a while.

Yesterday I went and had a massage. I got a sports massage because I was feeling pretty knotted up again and wasn't up to the torture of the chiropractor. I prefer relaxation massages, but this was needed more. Regardless I love going to the spa. I like the puffy robes and slippers, I like having someone treat me as if I am special and offer me a glass of wine even if I decline. (Which yesterday I did, and just had water.) I like the lighting, the scents, and the music. I just love going to the spa. It's my happy place.

One of my other guilty little pleasure is the theater. Live productions, not movies. I adore the theater. I would do both of those things every week if I could. Tickets and gift certificates for those things are perfect presents for me...or would be if I ever got those types of presents.

I really believe that getting massages and stress management are hugely instrumental in staying healthy. Of course yesterday, once again it was suggested that I try meditation to loosen my muscles and relieve stress. I have no idea how to do meditation. You would think it would be easy, but I can't seem to quite figure it out. I looked for a CD on Amazon yesterday for guided meditation, but there are soooooo many I finally gave up because I couldn't choose one.

Maybe a trip to Barnes & Noble is in order. That too is one of my guilty pleasures. I love the book store! Even if I don't find a CD...who knows what other type of lovely little treasure I might find!

I can also indulge in yet another guilty pleasure...Starbucks!!! I guess I just talked myself into going! See you later!

Hugs, K <3