Monday, May 21, 2012


I think that whatever we do in this world, we are always going to be faced with challenges.  Even when it's something you love.  When it's not something you love, it's even harder when those challenges present themselves.   I know that when we are presented with them, they are tests and we need to do all we can to pass through the difficulty in the best way possible.  But sometimes it can seem overwhelming.

I find myself  in that position right now.  I know I recently went through some true challenges with everything my family was going through, but that's different.  In those situations you have to be strong.  It's not even a question.

Nope I am having difficulty with some smaller challenges right now.  The first one is cleaning.  The problem is I am an artist.  Artists tend to amass stuff.  STUFF! I don't even know how it happens.  You just go out innocently into the world and you find a little thing here and there and you bring it home.  All of a sudden you have a ridiculous amount of stuff!  I have been trying to clean the spare room/photography studio/overflow closet/library.  I keep trying to sort through it and get rid of what I don't need, but it's so overwhelming.  My whole house is like that.  

But this brings me to my second challenge, which is tied in with all the rest.  My diet.  As you know if you have been reading my blog and/or facebook I am doing this HA2CG diet and detox.  I am not finding it that hard to eat healthy.  But I am finding it hard to only eat 500 calories a day.  They said I wouldn't be hungry with the drops.  Everyone says it's so much easier to do it than I think it will be.  Well you know's not.  I am HUNGRY.  Plus I get light headed and I have absolutely no energy.  I don't like that feeling.  But I paid a lot to do this, and it is working.  It's just that some days I don't know if I can do this.  I have three more weeks of it.  That is a long time when you're hungry and fatigued.  Plus when R is home, he is eating things in front of me that I can't have.  I have never wanted a hot dog so bad in all my life.  I don't like hot dogs very much.  I got sick on one as a kid once, and went years without eating one.  Now...I would rick roll your Mother for one!  Do people really make it through six weeks of this diet on 500 calories a day without ever cheating?  I can't imagine how they do it.

My third challenge is that I feel old.  Not just old, but old and fat and unappealing.  Normally that's not something I ever worry about.  But Saturday I had R take a pic of me in my new dress.  I was feeling pretty spiffy.  I had lost weight, gone down a size...and I was feeling good. I was going to show off my progress to my Mother.  Then I had him take a pic.  Ugh!  I didn't look anywhere near as good in the pic as I did in my mirrors.  It's amazing how your perception can change in an instant.  I know this is a side effect of all the other challenges I am facing and it will pass.  I will go back to my normal self soon enough.  But it really tore down my usually good self esteem.  =/  In order to try to combat that I posted the picture to Facebook.  It was hard and it took me a couple hours to get up the nerve to do it.  Plus I cropped it so you can't see my big ole backside!

Lastly, I am facing a challenge in trying to work.  I know that again it's a side effect of all the other challenges.  I am so overwhelmed by all the other things I need to do that I can't seem to clear my head and focus on work.  I haven't made anything in a couple weeks.  I have ideas, I just can't seem to get there.  I feel guilty working when I know I have to finish cleaning.  But I don't have the energy to clean from the diet, then I feel's a viscous circle.  I am just stuck.  It's making me crazy because I am usually always in motion.

I know this too shall all pass, and I will eventually get everything done.  As long as I don't pass out from starvation first.

To leave you on a cheery note...I have been dancing around the 400 followers mark for a while.  When I finally hit it, I am going to do a give away!  So stay tuned for that.

At least now you know what's going on with me.  I will try to post again soon, but I want to be in a better and less challenging frame of mind when I do it!  Being stuck makes Kelly feel negative.  Sigh~


Kays Kids said...

Just think of one day. Just that one day you won't eat the wrong thing. Then the days will eventually add up. I think you are amazing, because 500cals, is very very little.
Think of all the energy you will have when you have finished.

Heather said...

Diets are such hard things... I'm trying to lose weight myself... me now being at the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and feeling absolutely unattractive for it... so I understand the struggle of wanting to look better.

I have no idea how you do 500 calories a day. 0_0 I can barely keep to 1200.

A friend of mine has started a "change of life" diet, where he's changed the foods he eats, and does the whole starvation mode thing once a week, and eats on very specific patterns. He's lost a TON of weight, looks amazingly healthy, and says that he's never hungry, because he eats until he's full and doesn't worry about the calories... and it is absolutely working for him.

I'm seriously considering starting to eat like he does. It would be something that you could keep up even if you go out for meals.

And, creativity sometimes comes in waves. You've got a LOT of other stuff going on right now, so it's ok if your creativity takes a backburner... just keep a journal of all the ideas you come up with, and when you feel those "Must make something!" juices flowing, get to work!

Kelly said...

I am trying to think about it that way Kay. Sometimes it's just hour to hour.

Heather that's great and even if I can't do this perfectly, it already is changing my life and the way I eat. So something good is coming out of it. Believe it or not, it's not all about vanity. I am trying to be healthier too.

Katy Cameron said...

Oh man, I sympathise on the cleaning and amassing things - that's why I was standing at lunchtime explaining the HUGE pile of craft crap under my 7 foot in the air bed to the surveyor that was valuing the flat for a remortgage - oy!

I'm south beaching right now, and although I can go weeks without chocolate normally, right now I'd kill for a small square of dairy milk - it's so bad that I'm trying to work out what size bar has the small squares (yeah, I never buy the stuff, I haven't a clue) so that when I come off the 2 weeks carb free tomorrow I can have a wee bit. Of course that may just be tying in to a certain time of the month too...

Good luck with your remaining 3 weeks, you can do it, I know you can! Oh, and leave the cleaning til after that!

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