Artistic Madness

I just sat down with a nice cup of tea before I go to bed. I think I am feeling a little frustrated this morning. If you follow my blog, then you know over the past year I have been struggling with trying to make something "simple."

Last night I got an inspiration and set aside the second goose I was working on to draw up a pattern. I used to have a bear artist friend who could whip up ten patterns a week. It was amazing, and I envied her ability. Being a perfectionist, pattern drafting takes me a while. When I drew my monkey pattern, it took me a month of working on it every day to get it just the way I wanted it. If you looked at the prototypes, you probably wouldn't have noticed the minuscule changes I made as I went along, but I saw them and that's what mattered. I only made three of them, because the pattern was so complicated that I haven't had the urge to make another one. Maybe some day.

So I finished this pattern and was pretty satisfied with the results. I went back to working on the goose, with the intention of trying the new pattern as soon as I was done with this piece. I left the pattern laying on my work table. I would periodically glance at it and my brain started working. That's where things generally tend to go wrong. I could just do this to make it better, and maybe change that. I thought about a pattern design I have had in the back of my head for a while and thought maybe I should do that instead. (The pattern in my head is by no means simple.)

Finally I picked up the pattern I had drawn and pitched it in the trash. I have no idea what the finished piece would have actually looked like. But I had talked myself out of it. I think I have finally realized that I can't do simple. I just can't. My brain won't allow it.

I see these absolutely adorable, sweet and simple little things people make and I think to myself...I wish I had made something like that. I like simple things, they have a certain innocence about them. R says I am my own worst critic, but sometimes I think I am also my own worst obstacle.

It's very hard to realign your thinking, when you're used to making complicated things. Oh well...I guess someone has to do it right?