Offhand Comments

I woke up this afternoon feeling great!  I had my bi-annual checkup the other day and the doctor was so proud of me for losing another ten pounds since I had been in last.  I have to have check up's twice a year due to my meds.

Since last October I have lost 22 pounds.  I have been doing it slowly, changing my eating habits and trying to get off my duff more often.  I want it to stick. 

I put on my capri boyfriend jeans when I got up.  Last year I had ordered them online and when they arrived they were very small for the size they are and I couldn't even get them on.  A while back I was able to start wearing them.  This morning I noticed they were baggy in butt and sliding down my hips.  So I decided to go subject myself to the torture of looking for jeans.  I have pants issues...they are always too big in the waist.

Before I left, I got an e-mail.  It had a picture taken of me last week  attached to it.  I looked at it and just about started crying.  I went from feeling good and proud to HOMIGOLLY someone harpoon that whale and end the torture! 

It kind of set the tone for the rest of the day.  Most of us have been there though.  I didn't even buy jeans, I bought a sweater to hide the whale blubber.  Sigh~

Still feeling a tad raw later this evening, I was on the sofa when Gypsy, my cat who loves me more than anything, came up and started rubbing against me purring.  I picked her up and I said "Gypsy doesn't think Momma is fat do you...you think I am just perfect the way I am."  (Which is such a nice thing about pets, they love you unconditionally!)  I wish chubby looked as cute on me as it does her!

Gypsy answered with more purring and rubbing.  BUT...R looked up from his paper and very casually, quietly, matter of factly said "So do I."  He went back to reading his paper.  He didn't even see the big lone tear that slid down my cheek.

It was such a sweet, genuine comment and it made me feel so good.  Sometimes those offhand, un-thought out comments that people give can be the very best thing in the world.  They mean so much more than a thought out one.  R completely turned my day back around, and I don't think he even realized it.  That's part of the reason I love him so much!

So I ended up ordering some jeans this evening.  I hope they fit...if they don't, maybe they will by next year!

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Go To Sleep

Usually I handle things as they come along.  It's what you have to do in life.  Anyone who has been reading my blog on a regular basis for a while knows I have had a tough time of it this year.  But sometimes there comes a point where I just shut down.  That's what happened this week.

I have been making these new patterns which is always hard for me.  But along with that I also had to take Gypsy for a 3 am ER vet visit last Tuesday.  She started throwing up and didn't stop.  The vet said she had an infection and gave her some antibiotics and some kitty Pepcid.

R has been running up to Vail quite a bit and having to stay up there because they are in the testing phase of the job, and invariably they have to work til late into the night for testing.  He has been so tired, he doesn't like staying away from home.  But that also means that every little crisis that comes along is all mine to deal with while he is gone.

It's been raining endlessly and my sinus's are going to explode.  I have had a headache every day for two weeks now.

Day before yesterday Buster slipped and hurt his leg again.  He had MAJOR surgery on it last March which cost a small fortune.  I was afraid he had done the same thing again, and I was ready to have him put down last night since he was laying on the floor doing nothing but crying from the pain and couldn't put any weight at all on the leg.  It's certainly not something I wanted to do, but I can't afford another couple thousand for major surgery again, and I can't put him through that torture again either.  I took him to the ER vet, and sat there for an hour and a half.  They only had one other dog in there and it was in the next room making the most horrible noise the entire time. 

I finally couldn't take it any more since it was upsetting him and my nerves were frayed raw, and I was sobbing because I didn't want to put him down.  So I just took him home without seeing the doctor.  Now Buster is a cocker spaniel, but he is one of the biggest ones you have ever seen and he is quite heavy.  So when I got home I carried him  around to the gate to let him in the back yard.  I sat him down while I unlocked the gate.  I turned to put him in the yard and the little stinker was gone!  He had RAN back into the garage!  Miraculously he could suddenly move, he was still limping but he wasn't as bad off as he made me believe.  It nearly cost him his life.  I am not sure what we will do now, it depends on if he heals and shows improvement or not.  If he doesn't, and he really has messed up his leg again we still may have to put him down.  But I am sincerely hoping not, and that maybe it's just a sprain that heals up.

On top of all of this Facebook is causing me frustration.  Now I know you wouldn't think Facebook would be a big deal.  But I have recently found out that most bear artists think it's a wonderful tool, so I was trying to update my page the last couple nights.  It had been sitting there abandoned for over a year. 

I am a pretty tech savvy type of girl, but Facebook is just beyond me.  It's so user unfriendly.  When I upload pictures a couple of them always vanish over the next few days.  All my profile info had vanished.  Plus I don't know how anyone finds anything on that site?  How do you search for things?  Where do the people who follow your page come from?  How do they find you?

So I need some input from you guys on this...do you have Facebook or not?  If you do, do you like it?  Do you think it's worth the effort?  Do ya have any idea what I am doing wrong?  (Thanks in advance for the info.)

At any rate with all this never ending junk going on, I just shut down a couple days ago and took to my bed about every four hours.  I can't sleep that long, but I can't seem to stay awake that long either.  So posting has been minimal this week and I wanted to let you know why.

I think I am going back to bed again...this too shall pass...I hope!

Caught In The Act

Nearly everyone has some odd little facets to their personality that is completely incongruous with who they are and what the people in their lives know about them.  Now if you're like me, you have kept those things secret because if someone caught you engaging in them you wouldn't know how to explain yourself.

Until this morning I had such a secret.  Something that I had never told a living soul.  Now R is pretty used to my quirks...and there are many.  So very little surprises him.  But this was something that I just never shared with him.  I have always been able to get away with it, without being caught because it's an occasional thing I only do once every year or two.

Last night was rather odd all the way around anyway.  For starters I would have sworn, sworn, sworn I saw Shelby twice.  Once in the living room and once in the foyer.  But that is impossible because Shelby was a cat I used to have.  She passed on a couple years ago.  I don't know why I thought I saw her, I hadn't even really been thinking about her.

The second odd thing was while I was microwaving a can of tomato soup for lunch, (I have lunch about 11 PM since my schedule is different than the rest of the world) I was standing perfectly still in the kitchen, flat footed and all of a sudden it was as if someone pulled a rug out from under me and I nearly fell on my backside.  Luckily for once I didn't.  Now I know I am extremely clumsy but I was standing STILL!

The oddest thing of all, right around 1 AM it felt as if someone just sucker punched me right in the back of the rib cage.  I don't know what I did.  I didn't run into anything and I didn't move wrong and pull a muscle.  It was very strange, and today it's so sore I can barely move my arm.

So I decided there was really only one thing left to do...now I was certain I would get away with it again without being caught...and I would have if R hadn't uncharacteristically gotten up five minutes early.  He wandered out of the bedroom, squinted at the TV and said "What on earth are you watching?!"

I froze like a deer caught in headlights.  I didn't know what to do.  What should I say?  Should I deny it and claim I hadn't meant to?  Should I fess up?  Should I turn the TV off and run?  Finally I said very quietly: "Er...um...a...a kung fu movie."  He just gave me a quizzical look, shook his head and wandered to the kitchen to make coffee.

It's true, for about 30 years now I have been watching that rare kung fu movie in secret.  I can't make anyone understand it, because I don't understand it.  But I do believe that every single thing in the entire universe right down to the tiniest detail makes perfect sense in the big picture even if it's not apparent to us as to why.

I do have a bit of good news to share too...I don't know if he picked up on my feelings or it was merely coincidence but Ridley decided to back off a little yesterday.  He let everyone else have attention and didn't stick to me like glue all day. 

He managed to pass three important tests in the last 24 hours.  As mentioned above he decided to share.  Also Gypsy bolted out the door with the dogs yesterday and he was off after her like a rocket.  I was terrified he would grab her and either hurt her or kill her.  While he hasn't been aggressive with the cats, he also didn't seem to understand what they were and I wasn't sure of his intent.  But when he caught up to her, he just started running around her in a circle wagging his tail and doing that doggie bow that implies they want to play...so second test passed.

Lastly, today I had to go out and leave him home without supervision this afternoon for the first time since he has been here.  I was gone for two and a half hours because I had to drop Jazzy off at the groomers, run errands and hit the store.  I wasn't sure what I would find when I got home, but nothing was amiss.  He had behaved like a gentleman with the furniture and the cats...so he gets to stay and doesn't have to go back.

Somehow I think he knows he passed the tests, because he is happily asleep with a big doggie grin on his face.  Of course...he could just be dreaming about chasing rabbits. 

Hugs, K.  <3

The Snowflake Theory

At some point or another during our lives we have had an event that caused us to doubt ourselves. Chances are someone older and wiser than ourselves at that time smiled encouragingly and told us to "just be yourself."

This afternoon I had to run out to pick up some excelsior. While I was out I grabbed a couple of my favorite magazines from the rack. When I got home I settled in to have a look at them. I came across a picture of a sign someone had made expressing that sentiment. I have both heard and read that phrase many times in my life. But for some reason today it really stuck with me.

I thought about it tonight. I mean I really thought about it. I could hear all the voices replaying in my head that told me that over the years. I wondered if when I left the house to the date or social engagement that had caused me worry if I had actually followed that advice? I wasn't so sure. Children and teenagers have a tendency to like to fit in.

We are a collection of the people we have known who inspire us, places we have been, experiences we have had and things that leave an impact on us whether they are good or bad. We are shaped by others and outside influences so can any of us truly just be ourselves unless we were raised by wolves?

I passed by Gypsy, one of my three cats, as she was sleeping. She always sleeps in the oddest positions. In fact Gypsy rarely does anything cat like. She definitely marches to the beat of her own drummer. And...she is always just herself. In that moment I envied her.

If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know I have been struggling with my new layout design for my website. I keep making layouts and scrapping them. I was halfway through putting this last one in place when I decided I didn't like part of it. I was afraid it was too much like other things I had seen, and kept telling myself to just be myself.

But today really brought home to me that I don't know what that means. I have been told many times in my life I am very unique, but is being unique what it's all about? Is being yourself marching to the beat of a different drummer like my cat? Again I wasn't so sure.

I have always been pretty comfortable in my own skin. But lately I find myself concerned that I might be doing something too similar to something else. I guess that's in part due to the Internet and all those magazines for crafty women, where we can see what others are doing so easily and trends can be created in a moment. I see so many things I like and I want to incorporate a piece of that here and there into what I do sometimes.

By doing that...does that mean we aren't being ourselves? Does it mean we aren't being individuals if we follow a trend? I think one of the greatest struggles artists have is to be creative, make what you love, be unique and still have a product that will sell in whatever the current social marketplace is. Sometimes you have to conform...and sometimes you simply want to. Of course you always run the risk of having someone claim you copied them. It can be pretty overwhelming at times.

As the evening progressed though, I had a theory. They say there are no two snowflakes alike. Snowflakes know how to be themselves I guess. But they are still all snowflakes and connected in that larger way. The same way Gypsy is unique but still a cat. Maybe no two snowflakes are the same, but I bet a lot of them are really similar. They share the commonality of ice crystals and form them into their own design.

I have decided that being yourself is being like a snowflake. We are always going to be that balance of being like others, but in our own unique way. We are all made of the same stuff so there will be similarities and things we like the same and share the same way, but yet no two of us are alike. I guess I should just stop worrying about it and finish my layout. When I created it, I was just being myself.

Images From A Fall Day

A few hardy aspen leaves are still clinging to the trees. You can see the frost blackening on the edges. Unfortunately it went from warm to below zero literally overnight and stayed that way for days so we didn't get the lovely fall colors we usually do.



I have no idea why people take pictures of their feet, but I always find it oddly intriguing. My intent was to photograph the leaves at my feet that I should have been raking, but didn't. I got my feet in the pic and decided to post that instead. I discovered that old gardening clogs and a billowy skirt do not make your ankles look delicate!



Basil was on the porch looking over at me. I finally got a rare photo of him smiling. I told you he smiled, but I am sure many of you didn't believe me. So there it is...proof positive!



Gypsy was also outside with me. Rizzo and the two dogs ran in the house when I went to get the camera so they didn't get to be photographed today. Gypsy may not smile like Basil, but she was definitely happy to be outside in the warm sunshine and trailing around after Mom while she was taking pictures.

Dr. Basil

Yesterday was a little rough. I stayed in bed most of the day, and I had no energy to make myself some soup. So I didn't eat anything until R came home. He made homemade cheese soup, which is so good because it has a bunch of vegetables in it that are boiled then blended and put in. So it's still very smooth, but it has nutritious value. After I ate I felt a lot better. I still feel like I have been punched in the mouth though, and I have an awful lot of swelling along my jaw. I actually do know how that feels, because many many years ago I worked as a cocktail waitress and one night a drunk and belligerent customer who didn't want to take a taxi home actually did punch me in the mouth.

However, while R was at work I was in good hands...or should I say paws. Buster was on his best behavior for once, and Jazzy came to stand on her stubby little hind legs and peer at me with those keen dark brown Westie eyes as if she was checking on me and wondering why I wasn't getting up.

Rizzo came and laid by me and purred, and Gypsy was never more than two feet away all day. But it is Basil who always takes the best care of me. He is the very special little guy I posted about last year who loves Christmas and smiles like a Cheshire cat. The post is called A Christmas Tail if you missed it and wanted to read it.

I don't really believe in reincarnation, but if there is such a thing, I am convinced Basil was a doctor in a previous life. After I came from home from my hospital stay from my hysterectomy he would come in to the bedroom and do the oddest thing every hour to two hours. He would lean over and stick his nose under my nose without touching me, then a couple seconds later he would lay his head on my chest for a few seconds. Then he would go back to laying beside me. It took me a while to figure out he was checking my breathing and heartbeat.

Yesterday he came and sat on my chest, stared at me for a minute then gently put his paw on my bottom lip as if to say "Open up, I want to have a look." I opened my mouth just a little and he leaned over and inspected it. When he was satisfied, he sat up and squeezed his eyes closed a bit. I think he probably believes he could have done a better job...or maybe that look was simply "Boy are you high maintenance!"

He is so sweet and concerned, and I felt very loved and taken care of in the best way he knows how.

What Happens While You're Sleeping

I have a tendency to wonder about a lot of things. If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know this about me.

Tonight while I was sitting and working I got to wondering what exactly happens after I go to sleep. I wake up sometimes with odd things that I know I didn't have when I went to bed because my last act of every day is to have a bath before going to sleep.

A few mornings ago I woke up with the odd sensation that my arm hurt. I had a whole constellation of little red raised bumps on the underside. I know I didn't have them when I went to bed. Now I wouldn't have thought much of that since I am constantly breaking out in hives from allergic reactions, but all of these looked like little pimples, for lack of a better comparison, that had been squeezed too hard and bled a tad. (Sorry about the unattractive visual!) I have never had anything like that before. Nor did they go away like hives. They are healing, but I still have them.

Last year I woke up with double puncture marks on my leg in two places that looked like I had shot a staple into my thigh. The holes were about that far apart. They weren't raised or infected looking, just two holes. The following morning I woke up with another one. At this point I thought maybe a spider or something had found it's way into my bed and was biting me. The holes were a little far apart, and not sore but I changed the sheets anyway just in case. I woke up with more every morning for the next four mornings after that. I never did figure out how I got them.

I wake up with all sorts of strange cuts, scratches, bruises and bumps all the time. I go to bed after R goes to work, so it isn't anything he is doing. The dogs aren't permitted on the bed, so I have narrowed it down to two possibilities. Either the cats are taking their aggressions out on me while I sleep, or I sleepwalk. Or in a bit of weirder possibility these things are self inflicted, but I kind of doubt it. I don't exactly know how I would get staple marks without waking up, and I don't have a lot of guilt that would cause my subconscious to want me to do penance for something.

My money is on the cats...sure they look sweet and they are lovable when I am awake...but what are they doing while I am asleep and at their mercy? *Arches an eyebrow* Look at that pic, is she really sleeping with the dog...or plotting her revenge???

Of course I did sleepwalk regularly as a kid, so it's possible that I am doing it again.

So I find myself also wondering if this happens to anyone else? If so...do you have cats? *Hums twilight zone theme and grins*

Hugs, K <3

***Disclaimer*** No cats were psychologically harmed in the making of this semi humorous post!